The Dreamer

I have always been a writer. It is so deeply ingrained in me that it is inherently a part of who I am. I don’t even know why it started. Or when exactly. But for as far back as I can remember, words are my way of dealing with my emotions, which frankly can get a lot to handle at times. Well, more often than not.

When I started blogging online, I initially used to sign off my posts as “Open Eyed Dreamer.” I did not particularly give it much thought before deciding on that name. It just kind of came to me. And it has stuck, though I no longer sign off with that exact phrase. But it is who I am. It is who I have always been.

An open eyed dreamer.

Why, yes, a dreamer, I shall always be. Hope is such a natural part of who I am, how I operate, that I can never not be a dreamer.

A few days ago, I had a conversation with a friend about achieving goals and having a Plan A and a Plan B and a Plan C, and the likes. I spoke about how I prepare for the worst but hope for the best. He questioned the need for hope in this equation, since hope might lead to expectations and can eventually set me up for disappointment. I see where he is coming from, and yes it is true that hope can take you to a certain height from where if you fall, you fall hard. And it is tricky. Because if I truly have hope, I have, on some level, visualized a future where what I aim to achieve, I have done so successfully. And if I don’t reach where I hoped to, I’d be far more disappointed than I would have had I not been expecting a favorable outcome.

However, I do not see any possible scenario where I can succeed without having this clear image in my head in the first place. And if I can clearly see where I want to go, I cannot help but have an unwavering hope in my heart to achieve it. Maybe I am just wired that way. Or maybe, I am just weird! :p

Who really knows what the right or wrong way to do something is. Is there even a right or wrong way to plan a course of action? What works for me might be terrible for you. And vice versa!

That’s what makes human existence so amazing. We have so many ways leading to the same outcome, but it is difficult to objectively proclaim one way as the correct one. Of course, I am talking in terms of ideology and philosophy and human psychology and behavior. There are plenty of things in this life which are objectively wrong, but that’s a whole other discussion.

My point is, hope is a driver for me. Always has been, always will be. Even when I have been at the lowest points in my life (and believe you me, I have seen some of the lowest of lows ever), I have somehow never let go of my hope. My core belief that everything eventually turns out okay has kept me going. Without this faith, I am not sure if I could have handled the shit that life has thrown (and continues to throw) at me.

And so, my dreams never leave my side!

Because I believe, truly believe, that they will come true. Some already have, some are well on their way. Some are far away buried beneath the weight of expectations of this world, but they will get here when it’s time. Of that, I am sure.

And so, though my optimism gets nauseating for some people, I will never tire of having a positive outlook in life. Because at the end of the day, how we see things is how things eventually turn out for us.

And so, I will keep looking for the shining moonlight even in the darkest of nights. So what if sometimes the moon eludes me? The stars, twinkling bright, will be there to keep me company until the lunar goddess decides to smile upon me again! 🙂

– J

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