Yes. It’s one of those nights again when the need to write is strong and over flowing. But what do I want to ramble about, I know not. All I know is there’s a whirlwind of emotions brewing within me and I need an out. So here goes…
Chaos. Five letters. Two syllables. Infinite depth.
It is probably the best word to define me now a days. Or on most days.
Why ? Because my brain is out there to kill me with thousands of thoughts, that’s why !
Life in a B-school has been a roller-coaster so far, to say the least.
Some days, the perfection cannot be put to words.
And on some days, well, err… Let’s not even go there !
The point is… Like there are different days which end in different ways, there exist multiple layers within us as well. The onion effect, anyone ?
Every layer is unique. Every state of mind bewildered. Every emotion heightened. Every moment chaotic!
There’s a constant struggle to maintain sanity amongst the plenty people that reside within our soul.
No one is just one person. Single-dimensional, planer people do not exist.
Or maybe they do, and I am yet to come across any.
No. I highly doubt that.
Let’s stick with the multi-dimensional theory.
So, nobody is just one person. Every person reacts differently to different situations, yes. But also, the same person reacts to the same situations differently. And not just slight differences. Major drastic differences, there are. And so many factors contributing to this. The time of the day, mood, surroundings, people around, season, reason, need, want, desire, whatever !
Every individual is highly susceptible to these and so many more factors that affect their behaviour. And in that, sometimes one becomes a completely different individual.
Or maybe that’s just me. So many times have I felt that I am the epitome of chaos. Four or five different personalities co-exist within me and depending on what frame of mind I am in, a separate one is dominant.
There are battles between the head and the heart. And there are battles between multiple heads and a dozen more hearts ! So much keeps brewing inside all the time that I feel I’m going to explode!
Or.. Sometimes, this chaos is what brings me peace.
See? Same situation. Different reactions.
And it’s not just perceptions. It is the change in all sorts of behavioral patterns. Which leads to the emergence of a different person at times.
Might sound ridiculous, but this exploding chaos is what ultimately brings peace.
Because it gives me the outlook from every perspective.
It’s like a storm, Yes, when it’s there, everything is messed up. Things fall out of place. Lives are uprooted and sanctity destroyed. But once the storm subsides, there is peace. Complete peace.
And with peace comes clarity. And even if you need to rebuild something, you can begin afresh and design things exactly how you want it.
The storm is hard. But it teaches you valuable lessons for a lifetime.
And not all storms emerge from external situations. We can learn a thing or two from the experiences life has to offer. But we learn a great deal more from the internal conflicts arising within us!
Because if we learn to tame that, we become stronger and grow wiser.
In such a ruckus we might lose ourselves, but only within the chaos can we find eternal peace..!
– J
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That 90s Girl! 