Epiphany !

I like the sound of this word. Epiphany.
For the longest time, I had no clue what it meant.
Yes. I had a restricted vocabulary. Well, I still do!
But there was a certain ring to this word.
And then I learned the meaning.

Funny how so many of these we have, And how they get triggered by the slightest of catalysts. And mostly, we don’t even know what these catalysts are.
You just have a light-bulb moment.
Something hits your head, like almost a physical jolt.
A bolt of lightening, more like it. Yes, it hits you that hard, you can feel it. Literally!

We all have them.
We all need them.

I spent my day sitting on the beach-side. A strong wind blowing, the view in front of me beautiful. Magnificent. Straight out of a fantasy. Surreal.
Adjectives fall short.
And I just sat there.
There is something about being in the lap of nature that brings out the best in me. In us.

It makes you think, about everything.
About pain.
The wind unearthed the pain that has been lingering for so long. It is numb, but it never fails to make its presence felt.
There’s this quote from a movie.. “That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”

Truer words have never been spoken.

So the pain can be numb. It can be a wound now. Or a scar. Or, maybe, just maybe, it could be something you thought had healed.
But life is full of surprises. And not all surprises are good.

Epic funny?
Actually yes. It is funny.
I have become so accustomed to my neuroticism and paranoia that it no longer hurts me. It amuses me!
So yes. I find it funny, that something that no longer exists can still haunt me, albeit for just a minute. But in that one minute, everything hits so hard that I fall down and feel I cannot go on like this anymore and getting up now is not possible.

It is possible. Always has been. Always will be.

And just like that. The wind blew harder, and my thoughts vanished away. What was left behind, what is left behind, is peace. And a scar I wear with pride.

We like pain. It makes us feel real.
Yet, all we want is for it to subside.
And yet, we never really let it go.

What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.

And that is why I love pain. I love my neurotic streak. I love being paranoid.
Because every step I have taken has made me stronger that what I was before.

And when I look back at how I have grown, from 15 to 23, I feel proud. And I will keep going on, learning and yearning for more.

Epic funny!

And it can never cease to amuse me.
And that’s the best thing about it!


– J

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