Begin Again

Oh my God, we are back again!

Hello, fitness section. It’s been a long, long, looooooong while since I was on here. So much has happened that I never got to write about.

To sum up:

• Gave up on the fitness journey
• Gained more weight because I thought “eh, what’s the point?”
• Finally realization hit and I got back on the grind
• Well, it wasn’t a grind so much as just going for regular walks and walking to the metro station
• Less than a month of just walks, started dropping kilos and noticed visible difference
• Got more serious about it and did one month of daily morning walks and skipping
• Became more mindful of what I was eating
• Added dance and workout to the mix and became significantly fitter
• Was happy and consistent with the weight so stopped bothering about it again
• COVID-19 hit and I completely stopped ordering food from outside
• Felt guilty about being trapped indoors so got on a decent home workout regimen
• Home cooked food + home workouts = ridiculously healthy and fit me
• No, seriously, I became super lean and even ended up losing stubborn arm fat
• Started going to the gym once they opened up and became the best version of myself
• Continued on this positive trend for a long time
• Moved back to Delhi last year and, well, started ordering in and going out to eat again
• Let go of my routine and became lax about what I stuff into my body
• To absolutely no one’s surprise, I ballooned up again
• Talked a lot about getting back on track but never actually did
• Practically gave up and was content in whatever size I was (it wasn’t much but could be better)
• Moved back home a few months ago
• Immediately started noticing improvement in my eating habits and workout schedule
• Dropped 4 kgs and was well on my way of becoming lean again
• Went to Delhi for a week a few days ago, and surprise surprise, let go of myself, again *sigh*
• Back home now and still not back to the glory days of lockdown-inspired daily routine

What a journey, am I right?

My key takeaway from this entire experience is that with discipline and small, consistent steps taken in the right direction, I can become and stay lean, just the way I like it. But this also makes me realize that I have absolutely no discipline. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada!

The only reason I got to my best self was the lockdown restrictions, being stuck at home, and my parents’ constant motivation. By my own accord, I did nothing. Hell, the only reason I ate well was because of my mom’s cooking and the only reason I went to the gym was because my dad goes to the gym regularly.

Left on my own, I am good for nothing

Okay, not nothing. But my unhealthy relationship with food takes over.

It’s not like I eat from outside. I overeat from outside. I sometimes eat like there’s no tomorrow. I don’t even understand why.

And I was making so much progress since the past few months. But I got complacent. Even before I went to Delhi, I practically stopped working out. It had been a long time I had not danced or done skipping or even the basic stretches that I was doing. I have been blaming my over-indulgence in Delhi and during Diwali to my current predicament. But the truth of the matter is that I had been slacking off since long before that.

And so, I’m back here again, baby!

Writing works for me. Writing soothes me. And writing gives me something to do when my cravings just won’t shut up!

So, hi there. Thank you for being my accountability partner.

The plan is to come to you and vent about my feelings and my inability to control my hunger. Maybe eventually this would help me instill some sense of internal discipline and be more cognizant of my habits. I mean, I guess I already am aware, but I am not taking as much action as is required.

I mean, I almost hit my weight target last year and was super fit. I dropped the ball, but a few months ago I picked it up again and, well, was just a kilo away from reaching last year’s weight. And I dropped the ball again.

Hopefully now, I can get back on track and get back to being as fit as I want to be. And more importantly, I hope my relationship with food improves and I am able to enjoy it without devouring copious amounts of it like an unhinged maniac.

Until next time!

– J

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